Three Savvies, Two Hours, and One Goal

Posted on May 26, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

Respect and leadership are my current priorities. Before I went outside, I thought about Rocky’s right-brain introvert horsenality and what happens when an RBI becomes confident. I thought about what I have to change in myself to provide leadership and earn respect, without damaging our rapport.

My goal: “do less now instead of more later.” I would check in with myself often, to assess what I was doing and how Rocky was responding. His disrespectful behaviors start out subtly. The more I could work on this goal, the less I would need strategies for dealing with anything bigger.

Savvy Strategies

These helped me do less while building respect and leadership.

  • Envision spikes coming out of my feet and going all the way down to the core of the earth, while the top of my head raises up to the sky. This keeps me grounded and lifted while reminding me not to move my feet.
  • Exaggerate my body movements and then refine to the “sweet spot.” Linda teaches students to find our balance point by sitting on a log or a barrel, rocking too far forward or back or side to side until we find a secure middle place, and then having friends try to push us off. It works on the ground, especially when facing away from Rocky and going through the motions without any intensity or energy, so it becomes friendly game for him but practice for me. It also works while mounted.
  • Get a clear picture in my mind of what I want us to look like before I even begin. This includes his body shape, my body shape, and our precise positioning on the Earth. When we reach a point closer to that vision than where we started, stop and rest.
  • Breathe. And blow out when Rocky did.

On-Line Savvy

We started with the 22-foot line in the front arena, playing Circle Game with the goal of tipping Rocky’s nose in on the circle at the trot. He has carried his nose up and outside for years, but he keeps the inside ear and eye on me. This posture started when he was favoring a physical issue and continued out of habit and my own ignorance. For a long time I didn’t know it was a “problem,” and then once I learned that, I didn’t know what to do about it.

I will keep just this light pressure on you and not release it until you try further than last time, but I can stand here like this for 48 hours, so take the time you need.

I still don’t know exactly how to teach him to change his posture, but I have a lot of tools in the toolkit now. I also know that I can’t expect him to change his entire body position all at once. Imagine if you had carried your head to the left for three years and now someone wanted you to look straight ahead. Ouch!

We had a lot of distractions from the road, like entire herds of feral motorcycles and trucks with flapping tarps on the way to the dump and big stock trailers going by. I ignored it all. With my goal in mind, I put light pressure on his nose to keep it toward me, and pointed at zone 3 to bend it outward, to put him “straight” on the circle. I tried to convey endless patience: “I don’t care what’s going on outside the arena or how long it takes, but I will help you find the slightest try of bending and then I’ll bring you in.”

I have a lot of tools in the toolkit now.

With his arthritis I have to be careful not to overdo circles. I got a small change in each direction and switched our focus to the water obstacle. Last time, we had another person and horse in with us, but this time we were on our own. Rocky put a lot of effort into taking the first step. Again, I grounded myself in endless patience: “I will keep just this light pressure on you and not release it until you try further than last time, but I can stand here like this for 48 hours, so take the time you need.”

He tried sideways away, sideways toward, back up, turn on the forehand, anything other than forward. And I tried not to raise my energy or pressure, just keep a rhythm of swinging the carrot stick so that his hindquarters ran into it when he swung too close to my side, and a feel on the line in case he tried to go around the other side. He pawed, he gave the impression that he was about to sit down or rear up although he did neither, he shook his head, and eventually, the feet followed the nose and neck. Release. Rest. By the end, he crossed it at the walk in both directions, and also stood in the cool water with all four feet and relaxed and enjoyed it.

Liberty Savvy

I took him to the covered arena and let him loose to roll and amuse himself while I went into the barn for my helmet, reins, and bareback pad. In the arena, I smoothed him off with my hand, and just for fun, set the bareback pad in place. He stayed with me and didn’t mind, so I cinched it, very slowly and gently. He still stayed with me. He got nippy at the cinching like he usually does, and I laughed and used my elbow and concentrated on not moving my feet.

I cinched it up enough that I thought it would stay in place and invited him to walk around with me, still at liberty, to see that he can move and be comfortable in it. I ended up tightening the cinch in teensy increments, three or four more times. At liberty. In different areas of the arena. By the time I went to clip the reins onto his halter, I’d forgotten he wasn’t wearing it, and we had to walk back to our staging area so I could put it on.

Freestyle Savvy

He stood still for mounting and didn’t even shake his head when I waited a while, breathing deeply to ground myself, and walked out nicely for follow the rail.

By the time I went to clip the reins onto his halter, I’d forgotten he wasn’t wearing it, and we had to walk back to our staging area so I could put it on.

I had put markers in all four corners this time to help me see where to keep us on the track and we did better. I also felt more fluidity at certain times and practiced trying to find that spot again with my body, because I could feel him walking out more, and being more even. I found it a few times. Rocky isn’t the only one who needs time and repetition to reshape his body habits!

We left the arena to walk on the ranch trail and used the arena gate as an Obstacle. It took a while but we each figured out each other’s needs, over time, and got the gate closed again.

On the trail, we stopped to talk to various people, practicing standing politely and with relaxation. Sometimes I swung my legs back and forth or lifted my arms out to my sides or patted him everywhere I could reach. This helps me not get locked into a rigid position, and gives Rocky something safe to think about. We even stopped by my office window twice to say hi to Steve via webcam. Steve caught some screenshots.

When it was all done, I had Rocky step close to a tack trunk for me to dismount easily, and then I stripped off everything and let him graze at liberty for 20 minutes. (Stripped of everything he was wearing, that is. I stayed fully dressed.)

When I returned him to his pen for dinner, he stayed with me, even though the other three horses were eating ostentatiously. I pointed to a hay feeder and said “good boy, go eat,” and patted his butt, and then he did go to his dinner while I floated into the house.

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Holy moly, I’m training my levels horse

Posted on May 23, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

For most of the 4.5 years since I bought Rocky, he’s been training me more than I’ve trained him. Today, I realized the balance has shifted. Today, he walked through a water obstacle because he trusted me and I told him it was safe. Today, he asked for some time to get over a threshold while I was riding him outside the arena, and I gave him the time but I also stuck to our goal of completing the circuit — which we did, with leadership and without emotional reactivity.

I thought about goals before I stepped outside the front door.

Relationship Priority: Respect/Leadership

On-Line Savvy

  • Pattern: Circle game
  • Equipment: 22-foot line
  • Gait: Trot
  • Location: Front arena, which is a challenge
  • Quality, Rocky: Soft, with the beginnings of “bend,” nose tilted toward me
  • Quality, me: Steady, non-spastic movement, fluid
  • Quantity: 1 lap

Freestyle Savvy

  • Pattern: Follow the rail
  • Equipment: Halter, clip-on reins, bareback pad; barrels to mark the two corners we often cut
  • Gait: Walk
  • Location: Covered arena, and if that goes well, reward with ranch trail
  • Quality, Rocky: Straightness
  • Quality, me: Balanced, fluid
  • Quantity: 3 or 4 laps in each direction in the arena; one lap on the trail

I did have more focus today, and felt confident even during Rocky’s threshold, when I suggested going forward but he let me know that he thought 180s were a better idea. We practiced some “oh yay, you feel limber enough to do a tight 180, let’s make it a 360! now let’s go the other direction!” And I felt no less secure than I feel in a saddle, thanks to the bareback pad.

In the spirit of nothing means nothing and everything means something, our time today also included friendly game with the cinch, direction change on the circle at the trot, rest time, looking in the front window of the house, grazing on-line, and standing still for mounting. This last one was a Big Deal, as I’m working on my own confidence levels about hopping up from a mounting block or tack trunk, instead of climbing on the fence and lowering myself to his back.

Tomorrow is a rest day for Rocky and we’ll see how things go on Friday with our straightness and balance. Rocky does seem to be enjoying the sessions. He’s not swinging away when I line him up to mount, and he walks with an interested expression. I do feel like we are “together” in this.

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Lessons learned above the ground

Posted on May 21, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

I have been riding Rocky bareback in the arena about three times per week these past two weeks. Not long rides. Five minutes at first, working up to 10 minutes and then 15. His backbone is so prominent that I can almost hear my tailbone grate on it, so I suspect I was not entirely on my balance point. Yet with each ride I became slightly less wobbly, slightly more secure physically and emotionally. It helped to have a buddy in the arena who could keep an eye on things, too.

Tonight I pulled out the bareback pad to give us both that little bit of cushion. It was only when I finished the second circuit of the ranch drive that I realized it had not occurred to me to ride in the arena this time. Seems like the bareback pad was enough to make me feel secure out in the varying terrain and additional obstacles and potential spooks of our furlong of “track.”

Rocky and I played — let’s face it, worked — on respect tonight. That was more on my mind than any worry about spooking or bareback. I discovered I don’t have a clear picture of what respect looks like for me ‘n’ Rock. Without that, how can I provide leadership through consistent boundaries and phased reinforcement thereof?

In a lesson with Erin last month, I learned what constitutes the minimum level of having a plan, a vision of an outcome. She asked me:

What savvy?
What pattern?
At what gait?
How many times?
With what level of quality?
What am I prepared to do to help my horse be my partner in achieving this outcome?

I came up with:

On-line
Figure 8
Trot
Twice
Soft, rhythmic, with contact, asking questions, willing
Calmly send again if she breaks gait; wait for the question instead of coaxing; allow; encourage forward motion if she gets bucky and squealy and maybe turn it into a circle for a while; stop when we achieve the outcome and not go back for “another.”

It took a lot of thought for me to come up with that goal and plan for achieving it because at each step I thought “but it is kind of pointless; what does River get out of it?” and had to remind myself that River gets the fun of movement in harmony, which is how horses play.

Tonight, as I walked back to the house, I wondered what goal I communicated to Rocky on our four loops of riding. I did not play follow the (t)rail along the inside or outside edge. I did not play point to point. I was not exactly a passenger, although I did leave him alone when he walked in the direction we were going. I paid attention to my fluidity but used the reins almost every time to turn so my body language must be sloppy and inconsistent.

I am at a point now where I can have a riding goal beyond “not fall off.” We have not mastered follow the rail, which is the first or second freestyle pattern. Is follow the rail a goal? Or a means to fluidity, focus, and all the rest?

I Remember Pat saying his mastery students have to do follow the rail pattern every day until they can go for 45 minutes with only one correction. If I remember correctly, it is even 45 minutes at the canter, although maybe not, maybe the 45 includes walk and trot warm up and cool down too. But I think it was 45 minutes at the canter.

Rocky and I can’t even stay on the rail for one whole side of the arena. He anticipates corners and wiggles in one or two tracks, so obviously I do not have even half the focus riding requires, nor am I providing my sensitive princess RBI with strong leadership. I remember from my ride on Kresege how much focus it took to keep a straight line down the length of her big arena. When I got it, I recognized it, and that even though I had thought I had focus before, I hadn’t. Not really. It was like that elusive moment when you realize you have “feel” with contact. That one perfect moment where you recognize THIS is how it is supposed to be. THIS is what they mean. I get it now. Yes. This. Now that I recognize it, I know what to go for. The question becomes, How do I get there from here?, not anymore Where am I going?

So. On Wednesday. Before I even go out to Rocky’s pen. I will write down a few things.

What is my riding goal for this ride, for the next ride? If my big goal is to canter bareback, what step can I take this ride to move myself an increment closer to that canter? What one thing can I fix today? Because I can’t fix my focus, my fluidity, my independent seat, my balance, my softness, my leadership, and my ambidexterity all at once.

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I passed my Level 2 On-Line audition

Posted on May 10, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

When I first started freelancing, I had to commute barefoot on hardwood floors 20 feet to my desk, uphill both ways. A few years later I found a shortcut — I bought a laptop that weighed slightly more than a farrier’s anvil and kept it on the floor by my bed. On those days when I couldn’t face the traffic in the hallway but needed to get to work right away, I could lean out dangerously over the edge and haul my computer up to, yes, sit on top of my lap. When I became more prosperous, I installed a hydraulic lift to spare my back during this precarious commute.

In these modern times, I barely commute at all. Now I can check email from my phone first thing and address any work fires immediately.  (If you work on the west coast but have coworkers and clients on the east coast, you know what I mean about checking email as soon as possible after 5am Eastern time.) If I can send a brief answer, I do so from the phone. If I need more screen real estate or want the luxury of larger keys, I can answer from my iPad. That clears any bottlenecks for my colleagues and buys me time to pet a horse before breakfast.

But this morning, my eyes locked onto one subject line and I could not even skim the others until I had read it thrice:

Congratulations on passing your Level 2 On Line audition!

And even though I have a WordPress app on my phone and on my iPad, I patiently made myself deal with the work email. Then I completed my usual morning routine of teeth brushing, healthy breakfast, editing a few online help topics for a client just to get myself started. And as a preventative for diving into horseblogging and horseplay and not getting through the day’s quota.

My Audition

My Scorecard

The mastery student who evaluated me is Molly Sanders, who is my age and whose horsey background is similar to mine: horse-crazy childhood full of Breyer models and every possible encounter with real live horses, then years without horses, then in her mid-30s getting her first horse and finding Parelli. Somehow this similarity makes me feel even better about my audition — like I have been evaluated by someone who knows. Even though she didn’t know my backstory as she watched the video. Here is her bio on the Parelli Central website.

She also included a few articles to help me with the next step, both of which I read ages ago, and which I’m reading now with more understanding of how to put the principles into practice. Hopefully it won’t take me another two years to get the Freestyle video done for the rest of my Level 2. :)

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Riding and running on a Sunday evening

Posted on May 7, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

I rode Rocky bareback tonight for a few laps around the arena in each direction. No bareback pad, no saddle blanket with surcingle, no breeches with leather or grippy seat. Just his bare back and my yoga pants.

Honestly, are horses coated with Teflon, or is it just Rocky and me? What a slippery perch I had. All those Parelli mastery students zooming around in Wranglers with only a savvy string around the horse’s neck make it look way, way, way easier than it is. For me, at least.

I noticed in the photos that my left foot is lower than my right. In every photo. Hrm, how interesting! When I looked back at the photos of me on Kresege, I have the same imbalance. Perhaps that explains why Rocky has a hard time walking in a straight line, and why Kresege began to drift? I can’t curl my tailbone in all the way either, or it feels like we are rubbing bone on bone.

Cameras are powerful tools in our horsemanship journeys. They can show us that our body position is not as elegant as we thought it was, or that our motions are still too quick and spazzy for our poor, patient RBIs. They can also show us the trust and softness in our horse as he follows along behind us at liberty. Or, in some cases, ahead of us…

It helps if you take video on your own and then work with it in a video editor for a while. That helps you develop an eye to see where the camera deceives, through foreshortening or flattening or adding shadows. I find it hard to capture the true steepness of a hill. But the more I edit video, the more I see how valuable a video camera can be to a student of the horse.

While uploading Rocky’s pictures, I found a self-portrait of the photographer. Thanks, Steve. :-)

Steve is a national class distance runner and thus couldn’t resist taking this photo of Rocky and I running together. Look at Rocky’s amazing tail!

 

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Lessons with Salsa and River

Posted on April 24, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

In four lessons, River and I have made huge strides in our bond and in our progress as partners. We have practiced figure 8s, weaves, circles (with obstacles to jump over!), and sideways over a pole, interspersed with rest breaks while we audit Jan and Salsa’s lessons.

We start the lessons by feeling our horses. We stand with them, scratch their itchy spots, try a few warm-up games. We assess how they’re feeling and what they need from us today, so we can help them become willing, obedient, exuberant, and athletic. Erin will then ask us what we need from her; do we have any questions or concerns or anything in particular we want to address.

Jan and I have both noticed that even though we want to journal everything we learned, by the time we’re back inside, it seems like we’ve forgotten 98 percent of it. We haven’t, really. It’s more that once we’re in the house, we are removed from what I’m calling the “field of feel.” All of that communication that vibrates subtly under our skin ceases when we get too many walls between us and the horses, and all we have left are words.

And yet, our bodies remember. In each session, we could feel our horses more deeply, and we became more tuned in to what they needed from us.

I got better at my: attention, energy, focus, send, stick, and rope! ~ Jan

We used feather lines instead of lead lines or 22-foot ropes. The feather lines are 18-foot savvy strings with no snap on the end, which encourages and enforces lightness,. That 1/4-inch yacht braid is learn-burn material, if you have hands that close quickly. Which I don’t. Yay!

Respect and Rapport
I lose Rocky’s willingness when I sacrifice rapport for respect. But with River, I lose willingness when I sacrifice respect for rapport. In the continuous yin-yang cycle of balancing these two, I discovered that I am much better now at recognizing disrespect when it’s still small enough to address quickly — and not just in River. (Hear that, Rocky?)

With River, all I needed was a judicious application of “separate, isolate, and recombine” to get us unstuck. Yesterday, our figure 8 pattern had devolved into a figure squiggle with lots of tail-swishing and impudence, so I took River aside and insisted on hindquarter yields and yo-yo games to get her attention, and then a few short squeeze games to practice a softer send. From there we put it back together into a circle, and from there, back to the cones for a beautifully supple figure 8.

Equine dominance is not based on brute strength, which is why humans can become dominant figures in a horse’s mind. What horses do look for in a dominant figure is movement control. ~ paraphrased from Dr. Robert Miller in The Equine Mind: Top 10 Things To Know

Provocative and Persistent
I am now consistently persisting until I figure out how to be clear. I used to stop when something wasn’t working, afraid of offending the horse or harming our relationship — and then accidentally providing release from pressure at the worst possible time. Instead, I keep trying and adapting my body until I get what I thought I was asking for the first time, and I know I’ve got it by River’s response.

Jan has been working on this one too, as she gives up and breaks into laughter when she judges her attempts as inept, and thus inadvertently releases and rewards Salsa when he’s at his most resistant or confused. She and I have both made a lot of progress in this area; me since last year’s Mustang Taming event, where I saw the enormous importance of “passive persistence in the proper position,” and Jan since last Monday when Erin explained the idea in the first of our four-lesson series.

Grace and Harmony
River and I are learning how to bring out the best in each other. Me, by being more deliberate and firm — but not loud or large — in my signals, and River, by being softer and more respectful in her movement. “Moving through molasses” is how Erin described her technique of being steady and smooth instead of spazzy, whether backing a horse up with a phase 1 finger or applying phase 3 to reinforce a send. Erin complimented me today on the improvements in my body language and movements.

 

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Whatcha been doin’? Nuthin’. But doing it with excellence.

Posted on April 7, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

I haven’t played with Rocky very much lately. Or have I?

I have hung out in the pasture with him. He is in the front turnout now, which is a bigger space with a bigger herd and a creek down the middle, so I walked around with him at liberty to show him all the stumps and trees and rocks and crevices. (He is almost blind at night, and needs to learn where things are as soon as possible in a new space.)

The new herd:

The herd

I have protected him when a more dominant horse came to drive him off, and instead I drove the other horse off while Rocky kept eating. When the other horse came back submissively and asked to join us, I allowed it.

Rocky and Milo, the herd leader:

Rocky wants to play with Milo

Milo wants to play with Rocky

Rocky and Milo

I have scrubbed his chest with CloroHex Solution most days, treating a small patch of skin fungus, and to do that I have either had to protect our space in the pasture or bring him out on-line. Once we’re out, we have walked around the ranch a bit, or drifted into the front arena for a roll at liberty.

I have scratched his sides where he indicated he itched the most, cleaned his feet, and occasionally fed him a treat — all while keeping the rest of the herd away.

While I could see Rocky from my office window when he was in the side pen, which I liked, the front turnout is significantly larger and I love that he gets to be out there. He has mostly been jumping the creek instead of getting his feet wet, but he’s less worried about the existence of creekness every day. He has also become much less concerned about the goats across the street, or the motorcycles that zip down the road. Even tall trucks, like the garbage truck every Tuesday morning, don’t bother him as much. And I can see the pasture from my front porch:

Front turnout

Did you notice Salsa in the shelter? Here’s an enhanced close-up, in the style of Cute Overload’s COXCU cute-hances:

Salsa Close-up

So no, I haven’t been taking him out to walk over poles or to advance through the liberty patterns or to practice walking along the road so we can walk up to the new-to-us trail we’ve recently discovered. But what I have been doing is being a companion. A partner. And quite possibly, thinking like a horse.

Awesome.

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Classic Rocky pose

Posted on March 29, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

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Ooops, I got a sketchpad for my iPad

Posted on March 25, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

My sketch app, Doodle Buddy, works like fingerpaints and is free. I don’t expect to make it into any juried shows anytime soon, but I had fun with five-minute blurts. It is harder than it looks to draw with a blunt fingertip and a skinny brush tip.

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Horses with friends

Posted on March 24, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

I rode my friend’s Halflinger on Thursday in a beautifully groomed covered arena the size of … well, probably a rodeo arena, but I’m not exactly sure because I’m not familiar with the various sizes that arenas come in. Certainly long enough to challenge my ability to keep a horse in a straight line when not on the rail.

I rode with a bareback pad, rope halter, and clip-on reins. The other person in the arena had a paint horse with saddle, breastplate, bit, bridle, and spurs, and I wanted to give them a lot of room. Her horse was “up” and they needed room to circle without having to worry about where I was. And I didn’t want to be on the inside track just when he needed to teleport sideways.

Kresege has a swinging, fast walk, and reminds me a lot of River in her horsenality: cusp LBI/LBE. She started out draggy on-line so I asked less and less of her on the ground until I got ears and interest, and then asked for more. I climbed on and she stood patiently, but when I asked for go, boy did she give me go! She’s recovering from a shoulder injury so she is only supposed to walk; we caught up with the paint a few times. True, we were two horse lengths on the inside, but still!

I felt good, swinging, relaxed, and became more confident as the ride went on, not less. Kresege also settled after about five minutes. I played a game with myself where I found a point that was higher than my shoulders and didn’t look at anything but that point — not with my eyes, my shoulders, my elbows, my hips, or my knees. Kresege is less wiggly than Rocky and even so she taught me a lot about just how much energy and concentration it takes to maintain focus.

I kept track of the other horse and rider at all times, with peripheral senses, and made sure to mix it up for Kresege. Serpentines across the width and then the length, track 2 or track 3 or track 4, and when the other girl stopped in the middle to text, track 1. Focus on the destination, relax in the body except when needing steady rein or we started drifting inward.

My lower back started to ache after only 11 minutes so I stopped. I didn’t want to push it through my own weakness and cause Kresege to develop a sore back. We sat for a while and then I practiced the emergency dismount to the right. The first attempt, I didn’t even get my feet above her rump, but after that I did a good one.

Barbara said we looked good together — yay! — and it was so cool to feel so confident and sure compared to how I’ve been in the past. My recent short rides with Rocky, which have been on hold due to weather and business travel, have paid off. Keep it short, stop when we’re still having fun, and build the muscles and flexibility gradually.

It is interesting to have the knowledge and the ability now, about straightness, and also about providing steadiness and certainty for the horse. I’m going to keep practicing these things with Rocky this week now that I’m back on the ranch.

Filed under: Freestyle, Leadership | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Safe, sound, and savvy horsekeeping

Posted on March 15, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

Parelli recently posted a link on Facebook to an article about saving money on vet bills by preventing injury and illness. The article lists 21 things you can do during day-to-day horsekeeping to keep everyone safe and sane, and as I read it, I compared it to how things are done here.

I’m happy to report that Equine Partners, Inc., scores 100 percent. While the list is not a comprehensive guide to everything that needs doing around horses, it is a good checklist for evaluating your own practices and any boarding facility you use in the future.

One of the coolest things about being part of an all-Parelli ranch is that every person who works here sees each horse as an individual being, with a unique horsenality and needs. They don’t blame the horses, and they put in the extra time, energy, and effort to ensure that the ranch is as safe and comfortable as possible for horses (and humans!).

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Ride savvy

Posted on March 12, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

I recently remembered two essential things:

  1. I have an English saddle.
  2. The English saddle fits Rocky pretty well.

We are building each other’s physical strength with 5 or 10 minutes of walking on Sundays and Wednesdays, mostly around the ranch, with a little bit of playtime in the arena. It takes about an hour all told, because I’m taking the time it takes, for grooming and warming up and assessing a sensible mental goal for the session.

For example, the first day, we tested our mental agility by opening the gate to let ourselves out of the arena and then closing it again, all from the saddle. Rocky figured out what I needed to do and helped me, and if we had to walk around the outside of the arena between closing the gate and latching it, so be it! We got ‘er done.

Yesterday, I added a carrot stick and tried to use my reins only for steadying and not for steering. We both did pretty well for most of our ride, and I did a lot of friendly game while we walked, petting him all over with the end of the stick. We had one accidental bonk, where either I poked Rocky in the eye with the leather popper or he poked the leather popper with his eye; we ended up facing 180 degrees away from where we had been facing, but at no point during Rocky’s full-body flinch-and-shake and whirl around did I feel off-balance or frightened or like I was going to fall. All I felt was sorry that I’d been clumsy and affectionately exasperated that we had set ourselves up for such a thing. I felt like I actually sat deeper in the saddle and took up more of the contact and calmed him, without dropping my stick or reins or panicking or wobbling.

I forget sometimes that despite not riding very much (compared to what?), I have ridden enough to become more proficient than my memories of myself as a rider. That is, my self-image hasn’t caught up to my reality.

My physical prowess has also increased due to my shift in attitude. I no longer fear that I will insult or hurt my horse. I now have confidence about being the Mommy (and, sometimes, the Daddy). Emotional confidence opens the door to physical confidence.

Now we both have two days off to think about what we learned.

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The Horse Who Liked Me

Posted on February 28, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

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When I was 19, I had the great fortune of becoming the horse buddy of the mom of my younger sister’s friend. Diane bred Peruvian Pasos and shared her enthusiasm for the breed. “They’re so gentle, you can even ride the stallions like in other breeds you ride geldings,” she said.

I was allowed to go out there and play with the horses, even ride them, any time I wanted, even if Diane wasn’t home. When she was traveling, I stayed at the house and took care of the horses and cats. (She bred Abyssinians. With two simultaneous litters of kittens in the house, the furniture always looked like it was moving; I got motion-sick at times and had to close my eyes.)

At Diane’s, I wasn’t sure what to do. She mostly spent time with one of her two stallions, whose name was Nacho, or her pregnant mare, whose name I forget but she was palomino.

She had a four-year-old gelding named Jardinero who was my favorite. I sat with him a lot, just watching him and petting him when he came over, and wishing I knew what to do, not always feeling confident about riding him. Then I would feel guilty that he got all the attention and I would go pet the other four horses who allowed it, and talk through the fence to the other stallion, Bayo, who didn’t.

I had never spent undemanding time with a horse. It never entered my mind that such a thing existed. I felt embarrassed to be “just” being near him, not knowing what to do after exhausting the potential of brushes, curry combs, and hoof picks. Until that point, my horse contact had been through riding lessons, which involved haltering, grooming, tacking up, riding, untacking, grooming, unhaltering. You weren’t allowed to just hang out with the horse.

I rode Jardinero sometimes. We were both green and I was nervous, but I loved it, too.

One time, a crop-duster pilot must have thought it would be funny to buzz us and see what happened. What happened was, Jardinero bolted in fear and I was okay until my foot caught on a bucket someone had hung inside the arena, which flipped me out of the saddle and over his rump and somehow I landed with my ankle under his hind foot. I had a deep cut on my leg just above the rim of my ankle-high boots, but no sprain or break. The hard ground must have supported the joint perfectly, because I did feel the full hoof on my ankle and thought “oh god my bones are dust” and then nothing bad happened to them. The wind was knocked out of me so my crying was breathless and silent, and Jardinero came back and put his nose down by me and looked confused and, to my untrained eye, sad.

After that, I think I was afraid to ride for some time. I spent more time on Jardinero’s fence or in his pen, feeling inadequate for not riding but also grateful that I could at least be around horses. I had a full course load at the University of California, Davis, plus a job, plus a long-distance boyfriend whom everyone expected and hoped I would marry. A lot to think about. A lot of pressure that simply could not follow me onto Diane’s 10 acres.

Diane said to me one day, “Jardinero really likes you.” I said “Really? How can you tell?” and she looked startled. It was so obvious to her, she couldn’t find the words to explain. She said, finally, “he watches you all of the time, and his eyes are soft.” It was the first time I thought about being able to see horse language with my normal senses and not some magical “I don’t know, I just know” extra sense like real horse people had.

I felt good about him and became more confident after that, to the point where I could take him into the arena and let him loose while I sat on mounting block, and he would run around a little bit and then come over and rest by me.

A couple of weeks later — I got out there twice a week — I showed up and he was gone. Diane was home that day and I asked about him. She said, “Oh, he went back to his owners, in Missouri.” I had not known that she didn’t own him and had even fantasized about leasing or buying him outright one day.

After that, I didn’t drive the 16 miles out there for about a month. I regretted that I had always tried to dole out my attention evenly, instead of focusing on him, instead of realizing that the others got more attention from Diane and didn’t need mine. Instead of following my own heart and bonding with the one horse I was not afraid of, the one I actually loved. I had sometimes felt guilty for having a preference and made up for it with extra attention or treats for the others.

My next visit, I rode Nacho bareback. I was whooping “I’m doing it! I’m doing it!” and nobody saw or cared, but Nacho got impatient and I slipped off before something scary could happen. It was the first time I’d ever ridden bareback, and the first time I’d ever swung myself up by mane and momentum. I wished I had been brave enough to try it with Jardinero. I wasn’t sure that any horses I had ever been around had actually liked me. I didn’t know how to tell.

Sometimes I think of him and wonder where he is and what his life has been like. He would be 25 years old now. I hope he has had undemanding time and a special bond with someone who could hear him, see him, feel him clearly and confidently, like I could not back then.

I still have a numb spot on my leg, the diameter of a dime, where Jardinero’s hoof severed my nerve. It has been 21 years since the incident and the numb spot started out about the size of of a silver dollar. I have thought from time to time that I should have gotten a tattoo of a horseshoe on it while I still couldn’t feel it. A tribute to The Horse Who Liked Me.

Gracias, Jardinero. Te amo.

Filed under: Love | Leave a Comment »

Developing feel

Posted on February 20, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

Every time I start lecturing myself with “you’ve been on an all-Parelli ranch for 3 years and you haven’t taken lessons consistently, what’s wrong with you, aren’t horses important?” I remind myself that I have been progressing this entire time the way I was meant to. In 3 years, I have developed confidence, enthusiasm about riding, a better understanding of myself and my horsemanship, and a good attitude about what it means to be provocative and progressive — but not necessarily “fast.”

What I’ve realized recently, and perhaps have realized it before but have really for realsies realized it recently, is that in this time, I have developed feel. Almost without noticing. Not just for my own horses but for others too, although it is strongest with Rocky, and getting stronger with River.

Today, walking back to my office from the arena, I passed Rocky at his breakfast. And he raised his head out of his bin and watched me go and I filled with so much love I almost cried. I couldn’t tell, though, if it was my love for him or his love for me or a combination of the two. As I had that thought, a deep feeling washed through me, that it is no longer distinguishable. It’s “our love for each other” and neither one of us owns it or feels it alone.

Filed under: Love | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Parelli Level 1/2 On-Line Savvy Audition, Take 5

Posted on February 15, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

Some of you might remember one of my earlier attempts to capture my on-line audition. (Hint: Flies.)

This past weekend, I made another attempt:

I learn so much from these.

For one thing, I did what I tried not to do — I started out too intense, stiff, not playful. I could feel myself being that way, and could feel and see Rocky mirroring it. I tried to just keep on doing things and breathing and trying to ease myself down and bring him with me into the easier place. That was good practice. I’m sure I will be on the spot again some day, maybe even at a demo or a show, and will need that practice of centering myself.

I also tried staying on-line instead of letting Rocky go free first. I wanted to try to capture his fresh-from-his-pen exuberance in the audition. We’ve been playing at liberty a lot recently and it’s been crisp and clear and cold, and he wanted to frolic. I think we would have been fine frolicking on-line if I had been able to loosen up right away. Instead, I think I insulted him, and what he gave me, he gave with a tail flick and pursed lips.

And yet, things did improve. We both relaxed and our partnership became more evident to our observers. He gave me contact on the circle, and did his best for sideways. He trusted that I could see he was stiff and would not demand too much, and I didn’t. Our best of the compulsories was the trotting figure 8. He offered a great one, with a flourish in the middle, and I brought him and took off his halter. At that point … well, if you watched the video, you saw what happened next.

This morning I opened the latest audio CD and listened to an interview about auditions with Parelli Professional Kristi Smith. She talks about how the audition process has evolved from a task-based focus to a relationship-based focus, and gives some tips for capturing that relationship on film.

The further I progress in my journey, the more certain I am about my goal of becoming a one-star licensed instructor so I can teach newbies enough to get started and then pass them on to higher level instructors for further study.

I was thinking just this morning of Pat’s saying that the better a horse goes backwards and sideways, the better he does everything else. When I feel like I’m “going backwards” with horses, or that things went sideways because they didn’t go as I planned, I remind myself that the more “off track” experiences I have that result in my returning to my “track” with deeper knowledge, skill, and understanding, the better guide I can be for others.

Filed under: Auditions, Liberty, On-Line | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

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