Horsegirl on a Journey

Neutral is not the same as soft. Stay away is not the same as go away. Now is now.

This morning I helped with haltering a skittish horse — let’s call him Bayou — who is here on the ranch for re-start and development.

It’s sunny and brisk out, and despite recent advances in his trust in humans and his acceptance that maybe, just maybe, the halter isn’t a snake, he was having a tough time. I went in and just stood there relaxed, halter in hand, my back to him.

It probably wasn’t long before he came up and sniffed my elbow. I don’t know how long as I was in the now and mostly unaware of time passing.

When Bayou had sniffed me for a while, I walked away a few steps. I did not think about haltering him.I had a halter in my hand, but that was just incidental. I was in there to relax in a sunbeam, to study the bark of a tree, to watch a carpenter ant carry its burden across the rubber mat.

The other horse — I’ll call him Stanley — kept trying to approach, which got Bayou all high and dominant. If I swung the rope to drive Stanley away, Bayou got re-scared of the rope, while pinning his ears and snaking his neck toward Stanley. Over time, I figured out how to drive Stanley away with an intense look and tight core on my part, adding a slow and deliberate swinging of the rope if needed, with my body entirely between him and Bayou.

It really showed me how the yo-yo game works and how neutral is different than draw. When Stanley backed off, I would soften, and then Stanley would try to come in, and the cycle would start again. If I could find neutral, I could keep Stanley away. If I went all the way soft, Stanley thought it was an invitation to draw in.

Three times, I let the outside world intrude. I would become conscious that the longer it took, the more delay in everyone else’s feed. But then I realized that Jan wouldn’t let that happen — if it looked like it was going to take 2 hours (or 2 days), she would move on with the rest of the horses, even though she wanted to watch and learn. And I let go of any sense of hurry, urgency, or goal.

Bayou eventually stopped being so drivey and high about Stanley and would stay behind me. He wanted me in zone 1, though; any move I made toward zone 2 set him all skittish again, and I would walk several steps away and get absorbed in something. I wanted to unstick him without putting any pressure on him.

I learned from Salsa early on that my belly button has an invisible but palpable light saber coming out of it. When I turn, I have to turn with my front away from him, so it doesn’t slice his head off. I walked slowly in arcs, always aware of both the front end and the back end, using peripheral vision and feel to keep myself aware and safe.

Bayou eventually seemed impatient that he had not been led out to his bucket yet, and was lipping his halter, and finally put his nose through it. Unfortunately his nose was not in the nose part, so I had to get myself organized and friendly it back on, but it was his idea. I acted a surprised and said “Oh? You want to wear this? Okay, let me help you with the tie.” And so we proceeded with the breakfast routine of leading him out to his tie post and breakfast bucket.

I don’t actually know how much time I spent in there. I didn’t check the clock when I went outside, and I stayed out to talk to Jan and help with the other horses before I came inside to work and blog.I feel good about it though. I learned from both horses, how to modulate my energy, how to be in the now, how the slightest twitch of one of my skin cells is perceivable and possibly frightening to a skittish horse.

It’s nice to be back on the path.

From the Be Careful What You Wish For Department

Months ago, I said to a friend, “I wish I had more time with my horses!” We both laughed and said we’d better be careful about what thoughts we put into the Universe. “I’m amending that,” I said aloud. “I don’t want to get that time by losing my job, so, how about if I say, I wish I had more time with my horses without a reduction in income. (I will accept reduced hours for more pay, or lottery winnings, in place of my current job.)”

Instead, I lost my boyfriend. So while I now technically do have more time with my horses, it’s been such an emotional time, I haven’t felt “present” enough to be with River. And yet of course every time I do go out there and “just try,” I become more present, in her presence. I just haven’t tried to push it yet with anything athletic. The more time we spend together, the more I love her.

With Rocky I don’t have to be very present at all to get started. He and I can hang out anywhere and absolutely trust that we take care of each other. If I’m sad, he either stays with me without demanding anything, or he nuzzles and nudges and insists until I play point-to-point or stick-to-me or some other liberty game he likes. That usually brings me back to the present and helps me be present.

In other news…

River starts “college” in November, with Erin Murphy. This is the official “colt start” process and I’m going to be a passenger as often as possible. Here is River watching the arrival of the dinner wagon, with Centella and Finnigan:

Salsa and Jan are playing some Level 2 and some Level 1. Jan is working on the ranch now part-time, doing all of the feeding, watering, and cleaning two days per week while the full-time caretaker has her weekend. She is loving it and already learning so much. Here is Salsa having morning tea with Jan:

Rocky looks more comfortable and dare I say it, almost sound, now that he is shod. I found that he played more in his pen when he had all four of his Cavallo boots on, not just the front feet, and talked to our farrier about shoeing. The barefoot transition in 2009 was wonderful because Rocky was still young enough to grow new feet in the correct size for his body — he went up almost 2 boot sizes — and the new feet are much healthier than the ones he had when we moved here. He had been shod too early, lunged incessantly too young, and had his feet trimmed too small for too long. But he still has very tender soles, and the shoes are making a big difference. We’ll keep an eye on him to make sure he can keep them on even when it gets muddy this winter. He has a good hoof supplement, and bell boots, so we’ll see.

Here is Rocky playing hide-and-seek with me: