Leadership

Leadership

Putting the relationship first, because it’s not about the …

Posted on February 26, 2013 by horsegirlonajourney

One of the Parellisms that I understand more deeply as I progress is “It’s not about the ____. It’s about the relationship.”

No matter what it is, it is always about the relationship, first. Putting the relationship first means more than making the relationship the top priority. It is also the primary, the root, the first cause of everything we do together, not just the result.

Last week’s riding sessions went well. Lots of learning and trying, for both Rocky and me. But the weekend rides included Incidents that could have turned into danger if I had allowed them to escalate. The weekend rides featured brace at all three levels, mental and emotional and physical. This does not mean they didn’t “go well.” It means they are new challenges on the journey.

I am confident and skilled enough to stay on through small arguments that would have scared me stiff a few years ago. And I am savvy enough to hop off at the first thought of “Hrm, maybe I should bail while I can still do so on purpose, and handle this from the ground.”

But the real question is, why are we arguing?

I know it is the relationship. I can feel that something is wrong. I just don’t know what it is.

He still whickers when he sees me and trots to his gate to meet me. He thrusts his nose into his halter. He puts effort into the new things we are playing with.

He was acting like a partner, not a prey animal or a teenage boy, last week during our freestyle riding practice. He has been moving beautifully, floating over the poles, choosing to go over the poles at liberty, cantering with relaxation, looking more fit and sound. His back has not been sore until Tuesday, which makes sense, given Monday.

Yet the backing up evasion has escalated to the mini threat-rear which could escalate to real rearing. This is Not Okay. And I don’t know what is causing this behavior. What is he trying to tell me? Other than NO?

If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question, or asked the question wrong. – Pat Parelli

I have done everything I know how to do, from adding more complexity to the arena patterns to keep them fun, to backing off and doing simpler things to keep them unscary, to going outside the arena when he so obviously wants to, even though once we are outside he seems to be looking for things to get up about. I have included undemanding time in the barn with a hay net, a random carrot in his pen as I walk by, hanging out and grazing on the lawn.

I have run out of savvy arrows and have scheduled a lesson with Erin for Thursday so I can get more in my quiver.

Incidents recorded in detail after the jump. Ready? Jump! Continue reading →

Categories: Leadership, Learning Experience | Tags: parelli natural horsemanship, penn valley | 1 Comment

Family picnic: grazing with multiple horses

Posted on September 14, 2012 by horsegirlonajourney

I took Rocky and River out to graze together this afternoon. This is a Big Deal, as in the past their close encounters have resulted in insult or injury to Rocky — injury because he got stuck in the fence while trying to get away and she double-barreled him twice before a human could come to the rescue, and insult because she was too close to him on the tie rail while they were being trimmed or shod.

Today, everyone emerged unscathed, and I feel like we are well set up for another practice session tomorrow.

What has changed? Well, for one, I have become a better leader, and was able to keep each one out of the other’s space. For another, I read River better now; and River herself has learned to do phases instead of going straight from “sweetie face” to KA-BLAM. And I think I’ve made significant progress in my horsemanship this year and can see more of what happens before what happens happens, and act to prevent the undesirable happening before it happens.

It looks easy because I’m just relaxing out there in neutral. Yet I was managing the ropes, gently drawing them in and letting them out as the horses moved around. I also had my carrot stick and string, and brought intensity into my body when it looked like one horse was going to move across the invisible line toward the other horse. I did make sure to move each horse at different times, so neither one felt like they were the princess who got protected or the close talker who got driven away.

Rocky seemed fascinated by River and wanted to go over to her more than she wanted to go over to him. Eventually he got the idea of playing hard to get, and hid behind the tree. She did glance his way at that point, but River tends to be pretty focused when she’s out grazing.

At the Parelli Performance Summit this past weekend, Kalley Krickeberg taught us about playing with multiple horses at liberty. A key component is to grant release when everyone is having the same thought. That is harmony, and harmony is natural for horses. When Rocky and River both stopped being quite so obvious in their awareness of each other, and both were thinking about grazing and about checking in with me periodically, I gently gathered them in.

I tied Rocky at the hitch rail, keeping River a safe distance away, and then took River into the front arena in case she wanted to roll. All she wanted was a drink of water and then to stand by me, so we hung out for a while and then I put her away. I took Rocky into the covered arena to play “hunt the jump,” a game I learned the Summit that I plan to blog about soon. He enjoyed it and we took some additional bonding time before I put him back in his pen.

What a pleasant way to start this next year of horsemanship, before next year’s Summit.